America's Most Popular Drunken Snack Is No Surprise

There are all manner of food categories for particular occasions. Everyone loves holiday foods like Halloween candy, Thanksgiving turkey, and Christmas cookies, but there's also such a thing as first date foods (no garlic, onions, or messiness), movie foods (popcorn and Milk Duds), road trip foods (trail mix and beef jerky), and zombie apocalypse foods (Spam and canned tuna). One particular type of cuisine that many of us have had some experience with is a little something we like to call drunk food.

What's your favorite food to snack on while soused? According to Eat Drink Tel Aviv, blitzed Brits favor doner kebab while fuddled Frenchmen fill up on crepes. Pickled Poles prefer pig trotters, but tipsy Thais fill up on fried insects. So what's the favorite food of American drunks, then? A 2019 survey of 2,000 U.S.-based drinkers conducted by One Poll and sponsored by Bitchin' Sauce (via the New York Post) found that two out of every three of us could really, really go for a few slices of pizza.

The survey compiled a list of most popular drunk snacks, although from a look at the numbers reported in the Post, it seems the survey methodology allowed respondents to pick more than one favorite. The number-two choice, receiving 58 percent of the vote, was chips and dip, a surprisingly messy choice for anyone who may be temporarily coordination-challenged. Plus, who even thinks to whip up a dip at such a time? Weird. In third place, favorite of 54 percent, were French fries. Now, this makes perfect sense, what with these being available at just about any drive-thru. What's more, even the worst of fries (yes, we're judging you, In-N-Out, and finding you wanting) are perfectly palatable when you're plastered.

Fourth place went to nachos, favored by 49 percent. The survey didn't indicate whether this referred to the nasty ballpark kind with fluorescent orange glop or real nachos with toppings piled high on a mountain of soon-to-be-soggy tortilla chips, but it hardly matters. After all, no one's too hard to please with a drunk snack. In last-but-not least place came tacos, with 44 percent of the vote. We're guessing more than a few of those tanked taco eaters were fans of the two for a buck ones from Jack in the Box.

Of the 2,000 people surveyed, the Post reveals that some of them had pretty amazing tales to tell of things they claimed to have eaten while drunk. Not that the food items themselves were that weird, but the quantities ... whew. It seems that alcohol has some of us trying to channel our inner Joey Chestnut, with varying degrees of success (and likely some pretty ugly results). One person admitted they'd chowed down on over three pounds of bacon — we certainly hope they took the time to cook it first! Another hungry hammered snacker downed five of those family-sized bags of chips, although they did not reveal whether dip had played any part in their fuddled feasting.

There was also a tippling taco lover who could boast of having consumed 14 of these on one occasion, as well as a pie-eyed pizza fan who managed to down two whole ones, and a liquored-up chicken nugget eater who fit 50 of these in their belly.

Although eating while intoxicated is not against the law, it may result in a crime against your kitchen. The survey not only asked people what they ate while drunk but whether they encountered any problems due to their drunk dining. Unsurprisingly, 69 percent of those queried felt that their eating habits tended to deteriorate a bit after they'd downed a few drinks — what we're wondering, though, is who are these 31 percent who drunkenly stuff themselves with kale and quinoa?

The biggest post-drunk dining regret, cited by 62 percent of respondents, was consuming an excess amount of calories. Then, 50 percent admitted to having experienced some, umm, digestive distress, while 48 were dismayed by the mess they had to clean up the next day. About 40 percent even woke up with strange food in their bed, while 33 percent inadvertently left the fridge open all night (oops).

Despite all of the perils involved, though, the survey confirmed something that's been completely obvious to everyone ever since the first prehistoric person discovered the fun to be had from fermented berries — drunk dining is an integral part of any booze-fueled Bacchanalia. As a spokesperson from Bitchin' Foods put it, per the New York Post: "Drunk people will always indulge in satisfying and tasty foods." Well, duh, so hurry up and pass the pizza box, already!