Sorry, But Flats Are Definitely The Superior Chicken Wing

Ain't no thing like a chicken wing and it's hard to imagine a time when the wing wasn't king of the keg room. Wings as we know and love them usually come in two parts — well, the classic or bone-in kind, that is. Boneless wings are a whole 'nother thing (and not really wings, at all). The thing about a wing is, when it comes off a chicken, or when it's still attached, for that matter, it's a semi-sizable affair. It's also a fairly complex one, consisting as it does of three separate parts.

If you get your wings in a bucket of KFC, they'll probably still be intact, right down to the bony tips. If your wings are of the Buffalo variety or any of the other numerous flavor variants spawned by B-Dubs and its ilk, then your wing order will likely be tip-free but may instead be split into two different types: flats and drums. Unlike your dipping sauce of blue cheese or ranch, though, you may not get to pick between the two but will instead be served up a heaping helping of chicken wing choice. Which ones do you eat first, or do you have a preference? Mine you already know from the title, but before I start my paean of praise to the flat, we'll start with a look at the other side of the wing.

The chicken drums, which can also be called drummettes or drummies if you're fond of cutesy names, are called that because they do bear some slight resemblance to itty-bitty drumsticks. Chicken drumsticks, that is, not the ice cream or musical kind. Drums are the top part of the wing and thus the bit that attaches to the bird. As such, they have more muscle, which, once detached and cooked, translates into meat. Some drum fans feel that this type of wing is easier to dip since all the meat is concentrated at one end, leaving a convenient bone handle that's just right for grasping.

While some may object to all of the gristle at the top, this being the cartilage that connects the wing to the chicken, drums are actually the people's choice according to wing eaters polled in a survey conducted on behalf of Hidden Valley Ranch. (Oddly enough, the survey didn't seem to address the issue of how many respondents preferred blue cheese as a dip.) True, the 33% who picked drums did not constitute a majority in and of themselves, but the top vote-getter was no preference at all. When it comes to wings, it seems that 42% are equally happy to eat them in any shape or form.

If you want my opinion, though (and you must, otherwise why would you have clicked?), I'm with the roughly 25% of people who choose flats or wingettes, which are the middle part of the wing. Perhaps there's some fellow feeling there, since I, too, am a middle child so I find flats more relatable. Still, I also feel I may speak for some of my fellow flat fans in saying I simply prefer this piece because it has more of everything I like about wings. Two words: skin and sauce. Okay, maybe if you measure the exact amount of skin — and who even does this? — you might get a tiny bit more on a drum as the latter are larger. With flats, though, there's a higher skin-to-meat ratio and also a higher ratio of sauce to meat.

Drums, you see, are simply too chickeny for me. Sounds strange to say, I know, but if I really want to taste the chicken in my chicken, I'll just go for a sandwich instead. With wings, I want to gnaw on the bones and get messy with the sauce and that little bump of meat on a drum just gets in the way. That being said, I'll happily eat my share of drums if they're there, but if you and I are splitting an order of wings and you're Team Drum, they're all yours and I get dibbies on the flats. Fair warning, though: Blue cheese. No ranch.