Burger King Is Far Superior To McDonald's And Here's Why

While food can bring us together, it can also tear us apart and people have been known to fight to the death (well, perhaps to the minor bruising) over such questions as thick crust vs thin (thin all the way), ranch vs blue cheese (blue, a thousand times blue!), sweet vs. unsweet tea (unsweet Arnold Palmer), and last but not least, McDonald's vs. Burger King.

The majority may pick Mickey D's, citing reasons such as superior fries and better sodas. While I will concede the fries (although there will be more on that subject later), I remain skeptical about the soda. After all, as the late, great Iron Sheik once tweeted: "F*** the McDonald's Sprite," and his un-endorsement is good enough for me. (Plus I'm not much of a fountain soda fan anyway.) I've always been on the side of the underdog, anyway, but that's not the only reason I prefer to patronize BK rather than a certain other establishment known for its aureate vaulting. From its food to its entertainingly inclusive advertising, I just find the chain to be a lot more enjoyable than the House of Clown.

McDonald's menu on any given day is practically guaranteed to disappoint me. Its flagship burger just has lettuce, tomatoes, and Thousand Island dressing, whoopee. Even the "big ticket" limited-time items tend to be stuff like the McRib, a sandwich that reminds me of something you'd get in a low-budget frozen dinner (On-Cor's rib-shaped patties, to be specific). At BK, however, I can order a Whopper "my way," as it's been advertised for nearly 50 years. Not only can I hold the pickles and the lettuce, but I can theoretically have one of 200,000 possible different combos and embellish my burger with add-ons like bacon, onion rings, and Swiss cheese. (I do wish BK would bring back the Angry Whopper, though, as I'd like some jalapenos and hot sauce, too.)

As for specialty burgers, the King beats the Clown by a mile here, too. Apart from the aforementioned Angry Whopper, I'm a big fan of those weird-colored buns. The ghost pepper orange Halloween one is my favorite so far. Even the red one from the Spider-Verse Whopper — where the bun was just, idk, made with food coloring — was still kind of fun, as was the burger itself, which is more than anything Mickey D's has to offer.

McDonald's french fries may, in fact, be the best ones in fast food. They are not, however, the best fries, period. That honor goes to Burger King's chicken fries, which are a main and a side all in one. Chicken fries are so much more than just an elongated McNugget. For one thing, they are much more fun to eat. They're way more dippable and a lot easier to eat in the car, thanks to that fry-like paper holster they come in.

While I was already a chicken fry fan, my liking for them grows exponentially each time BK adds a hotter version to the menu. I was quite pleased last winter when it rolled out spicy chicken fries even though they weren't quite as spicy as advertised and ultimately proved to be just as ephemeral as the jalapeno and buffalo fries of yore. Still, the fact that the chain is willing to introduce new flavors to the fry lineup, no matter how temporary they may be, is something the Golden Arches does not do with its fries, so another win for BK.

Burger King is known for its over-the-top advertising and promos that often turn out to be train wrecks (that cow farts one was hilarious, though), but a few of its misses actually turned out to be hits with me. One of these was the Real (aka Unhappy) Meals. I know some people may have felt that these were disrespectful to those who are dealing with depression and other mental health issues, but without getting too deep into TMI territory, I'll admit that I myself have more than a pocketful of diagnoses. In fact, to paraphrase Cary Grant's character in "Arsenic and Old Lace," Cluster B and C personality disorders run in my family; they practically gallop.

That being said, I thought it kind of nice when BK came out with a tweet introducing the Real Meals by saying that "it's ok not to be happy all the time." While the YAAAS Meal didn't really get me, I was all about the Blue Meal, and occasionally the Salty, Pissed, or DGAF ones fit my mood, too. Blue. Still, it would have been nice if these meals had come with a toy (just saying).

If you were to click on my bio, you would learn a fun fact about me: any time I can manage to work in a pro-wrestling tie-in to a food article, I'm all over it. Burger King apparently feels the same way as it has had a few WWE-themed promos itself over the years. (If it could mix in some AEW promos, it would have my undying love forever even if it served dirt burgers.) Back in 2005, BK Kids' Meals contained a very special toy, a mini figure of one of four WWE Superstars: Batista, Triple H, John Cena (of course), and Rey Mysterio (I liked this one the best). In 2010, they revived the WWE Kids' Meals. This second time around they came with different versions of John Cena and Triple H along with one of my all-time favorites, The Undertaker.

Burger King has also paired with another King, Jerry "The King" Lawler. Lawler, whose reign as pro wrestling's king of the ring (if not King of the Ring, a title he's never held) dates back nearly 50 years, says he's often been called Burger King by his fans. According to a 2018 tweet, the chain actually paid him the princely sum of $5k to dress as its mascot on an episode of Monday Night Raw. Take that, Ronald McDonald! Not even Doink would want to dress up like that clown.