Starbucks Wants You To Look To The Stars For Your Next Coffee Fix

Astrology has, for centuries, been used to help powerful leaders make important decisions — Queen Elizabeth I (the one with the frilly neckpiece) was crowned on a date selected by her court astrologer, and an astrologer reportedly determined President Reagan's schedule down to the minute. During WWII, both Allied and Axis powers employed astrologers with mixed results. We ourselves, however, prefer more fun and frivolous astrological applications such as using the stars to tell us which donut, sandwich, soda, or cocktail suits us best. (We're going to let you in on a little trade secret here — we're not professional astrologers, so yes, there's a certain random element to it.)

While there have already been about a zillion and a half articles telling us what our go-to Starbucks orders should be based on our star sign (ours is the best one, of course), the big news now is that Starbucks itself wants in on the astrology game. It's not the first fast-food chain to try something similar, as back in 2021, Taco Bell's Twitter was recommending not only main dishes but sides and drinks based on sun, moon, and rising signs. Starbucks, however, has a dedicated website with a far more elaborate presentation, which figures as they've always been about style as much as substance.

Starbucks' new website, which, as per the title, is called Starbucks Star Signs, proclaims itself "powered by Sanctuary." This isn't the clothing brand nor the late '00s Canadian Syfy channel series, but instead, the astrology app that sells tarot and psychic readings in addition to astrological advice. The horoscopes (and drink suggestions) that you get from this website are free of charge, although you won't get a discount for placing an astrologically-appropriate order.

If you want a Starbucks reading, you'll first select your sign, then choose between a morning or afternoon "coffee break time." Once you do so, your "power words" will emerge from swirling clouds. For Cancer, these are "encouraging, mindful, [and] comforting." Next comes your spring color (paradise blue or tranquil teal), followed by your flower (ranunculus, really?), your star-selected drink (Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino, whether for morning or afternoon), and a brief reading — Cancer's says to "indulge in something that makes you feel good."

While the graphic goings-on make the website too slow for us to check out all 12 signs without losing patience, we did try a few and found that Starbucks is, surprise, steering people toward the pricier drinks, so no plain black coffee even for frugal earth signs. It did, however, resist the urge to have each reading end in an exhortation to visit a Starbucks ASAP. Instead, you can wait until the stars align or the mood strikes, whichever comes first.