The Hilarious Reason This Couple Can't Use Their New Vitamix

The Vitamix is the ultimate blender, but procuring a brand-new one can set you back several hundred dollars. So we can imagine Jessica and Nikii Gerson-Neeves were pretty excited when they managed to snag a Vitamix during a 2021 Black Friday sale. As The Washington Post put it, the couple had been "looking forward to a winter of smoothies and soups."

Unfortunately, the couple's holiday plans hit a snag when, after the blender arrived on December 16, one of their three cats decided to jump on the box to lay claim to it. Jessica thought the image was cute enough to share on Facebook along with a caption that read: "BREAKING NEWS: Sentient soccer ball excited about the possibilities the new Vitamix affords. Middle aged lesbians who bought the thing would very much appreciate being given access to it, but are giant suckers who are unwilling to relocate him. Stand-off is entering its second hour. Details to follow on this rapidly updating story."

The Vitamix saga only escalated from there.

It appears Jessica Gerson-Neeves' assessment that the matter was a "rapidly updating story" might have been too optimistic. More than month has passed since the Vitamix standoff began — and the couple is no closer to claiming their blender than they were when the device first arrived. As Gerson-Neeves explained to NPR, "It arrived in the mail on Dec. 16, and I brought it inside and set the box down on the kitchen floor for just a quick second ... And that was a month ago."

For now, their cats — Max the original claimant; George: Destroyer of Worlds; and Lando Calrissian — stand guard over what they feel is rightfully theirs. They squabble over who gets to sit on top of the Vitamix package. And nothing — not moving the box from one spot in the kitchen to another, using decoy boxes (thoughtfully provided by Vitamix itself), or offering other toys — has been able to keep the cats from perching atop their blender throne. 

"We're far enough into it, I can't move them now. They're committed, we're committed," Nikii Gerson-Neeves told The Washington Post.

At one point, the Gerson-Neeveses had thought of trying to evict the determined kitties. But they were persuaded not to by their invested social media followers, who now number in the tens of thousands and are staying on top of the saga. 

As Jessica told NPR: "Certainly we could relocate them. They don't weigh a ton. It would be very easy to pick whoever's on the box up and put them on the floor and open the box. But why would we end something that is bringing us so much laughter? The cats are having a good time, and so many other people are enjoying this as well. I think we all are very much in need of something that is silly and low stakes right now."

But the couple promises that the fun everyone is having at the Vitamix's expense isn't forever — and eventually, they will lay claim to what is rightfully theirs. They've promised NPR their first creation will be a boozy margarita, because as Jessica put it: "I think we've earned one."