Whatever Happened To Pop-Tarts Crunch?

There are three great mysteries of the universe that have stumped philosophers, baffled scientists and given the general public anxiety for years now: Where did all the dinosaurs go, who put the bop in the bop-she-bop-she-bop, and whatever happened to Pop-Tarts Crunch? We are not here to re-litigate the existence of an earth-changing meteor, or challenge anyone to a dance competition, but we would like to re-examine that last mystery a little closer.

Before anyone knew anything, and long before we started making lists like this one from Healthline about the unhealthiest junk food in America, there was a magical time called "the early '90s." It was a special place, irreplicable today (despite what reboots like "Fuller House" and "The Babysitters' Club" on Netflix would have you believe) simply because we all thought every type of cereal was part of a well-balanced breakfast. Today — with the invention of the internet and advances in nutritional education — we know that, in order for certain cereals to play any part in a meal that is "well-balanced," they would need to be accompanied by a side of mixed vegetables and possibly a blood sugar-stabilizer. 

But back then, someone saw a toasted breakfast pastry packed with sugar, refined flour, and unhealthy, highly processed ingredients like soybean oil and high fructose corn syrup and thought, "How can we make a bunch of smaller ones, put them in a bigger box, and market them to kids?" And just like that, Pop-Tarts Crunch, the cereal made completely of miniature Pop-Tarts, was born.

According to Bustle, Pop-Tarts Crunch hit the scene in 1994, setting a precedent for some other not-so-successful spins on the original Pop-Tarts, like the short-lived Pop-Tarts Snak-Stix in 2002 and Pop-Tarts Mini Crisps in 2011. Back in 1994, the bite-sized breakfast cereal was championed by such '90s icons as Marla Sokoloff, the girl every family sitcom protagonist loved to hate, and this guy, who is obviously long overdue for a Rebecca Black-style remix comeback. Despite such strong celebrity backing, however, cereal killer Kellogg's decided to pull Pop-Tarts Crunch from the shelves after just one year, discontinuing it in 1995 (via The Cereal Graveyard).

But hold it right there, folks! When Taylor Swift sang, "I come back stronger than a '90s trend," it's very possible she was referring specifically to the resurrection of miniaturized breakfast pastry cereal. Like everything that was beautiful and true about the '90s, Pop-Tarts Crunch has been re-polished and rebranded — or at least, so subtly tweaked you would barely notice a difference — and put back into circulation, giving nostalgic parents and caregivers everywhere a chance to feed their children the cereal known as "Pop-Tarts for your spoon." That's right; after 24 years, and even amidst articles about how you should never eat Pop-Tarts, Pop-Tarts Crunch has made a comeback in the form of Pop-Tarts Cereal (drop the "Crunch," it's cleaner). It is now widely available at Walmarts everywhere, according to Delish.

Mystery? (*crunch*) Solved!