The Frozen Cheese Pizza You Should Never Ever Put In Your Cart

We previously urged you not to fall for the common myths about frozen pizza, including claims that there are no healthy options or that these products are woefully lacking where cheese is concerned. Equally pervasive is the myth that says all frozen pizza is the same. In fact, quality varies greatly from brand to brand. Because we're as passionate about pizza as you are, Mashed conducted a ranking of popular frozen cheese pizza brands to determine the best and worst of the bunch. As a result of our taste test, we deemed Totino's Party Pizza, a brand with ample nostalgic appeal, as the last place pick. 

According to our reviewer, "the crust was as cardboard as ever ... while the cheese did the strange dissolving thing we remember." As for the sauce, prepare yourself for a "strange flavor" that is "somewhat industrial and chemical." One thing you can't deny is that this product is highly affordable, priced at just $1.97 on the Walmart website. Totino's pizza also comes in many varieties, including pepperoni, hamburger, triple meat, sausage, and supreme. Despite these minor achievements, this brand's biggest draw appears to be the fact that it reminds frozen pizza fans of simpler times. 

While the reality of eating a Totino's Party Pizza in the year 2025 is bound to be quite different from your childhood memories it can be tough to turn down the nostalgia dial. Even our reviewer states, "there was a strain of nostalgia that came over us as we tasted it" before ultimately designating the pizza as "a disappointing dud." Similar sentiments have been shared on Reddit, with one commenter stating, "Seriously, [Totino's Party Pizzas] taste like my childhood." Another person attempted to explain the strange appeal of the brand, saying, "They're ... different than other pizza. Different smell, different texture, different shape, and a more specified flavor." 

In the event you also get struck by the nostalgia bug or simply find yourself with a Totino's pizza and want to make the most of it, take heart. It is possible to improve just about any frozen pizza with the right steps and embellishments. To avoid a soft and soggy crust, simply increase the oven temperature (but be aware that the pie will cook much more quickly). Certain canned ingredients can also upgrade frozen pizzas, including sun-dried tomatoes, black olives, and jalapeños if you want something a little spicy. Select herbs and spices can also elevate the flavor of a lackluster frozen pie, and blends featuring basil, red pepper flakes, oregano, garlic salt, and thyme create the classic pizza flavor.