Liquid Death Flavors, Ranked Worst To Best

Liquid Death is a brand on a mission. Its primary directive is to reshape the image of water to fit in with the cool kids. Using a delightfully ironic name and creative punk-inspired branding, company founder Mike Cessario has recontextualized water as an alternative to unhealthy (yet cool) beverages like energy drinks and beer. The brand has rapidly expanded thanks to the emergence of a cult following, and now it has branched out to offer flavored sparkling water and iced teas. Including its plain waters, the company now offers ten flavors in total. But not all Liquid Deaths are created equal.

That is precisely why we have taken on the task of ranking all of Liquid Death's flavors from worst to best. After all, it's easy to forget that LD is still new to the flavored beverage marketplace and has more growing to do. Specifically, LD needs to establish which of its flavors will become mainstays and which will be culled once the early hype for this company subsides.

And since branding is such a key part of the Liquid Death product, we are also going to rate the names of each product. The ratings will be based on how well they convey that heavy metal aesthetic while remaining true to their flavor. Without further ado, let's begin with the worst Liquid Death flavor.

Of the four iced tea beverages in the Liquid Death lineup, Armless Palmer is easily the worst. Don't get it twisted, though — it's still drinkable, especially on a hot day. The flavor blend simply isn't as well-balanced as other LD products.

Here's the issue. A classic Arnold Palmer has plenty of sugar to balance the tartness of the lemonade and the bitterness of the tea. However, LD's Armless Palmer has only a hint of agave nectar sweetness and so fails to properly balance these flavors. Rival iced tea brand AriZona does a much better job of achieving this balance using sucralose in its Diet Half & Half, which maybe LD should also consider. Using this contentious sweetener won't win any favors with health-conscious consumers, but it might be the most viable way to recreate this complex beverage in a low-calorie way.

All this said, Armless Palmer has 30 milligrams of naturally occurring caffeine and is enhanced with B vitamins. And, for what it's worth, this drink has the best name in the whole Liquid Death lineup. It's ultra-brutal and instantly decipherable. That's an A+. If only the flavor were quite as good.

Grim Leafer is the most basic flavor from Liquid Death's line of iced tea beverages. It offers lightly sweetened black tea that is decently quaffable but fails to compete with other Liquid Death varieties, never mind other established iced tea brands. The biggest issue with this beverage is that it doesn't do what it says on the can, which is "murder your thirst and turn its insides into balloon animals to book gigs at children's birthday parties."

In fact, the astringent qualities of this beverage largely overpower the light sweetness of the included agave nectar. Grim Leafer might taste better as an unsweetened tea since it would take much more sweetener to properly balance out the strong bitter flavor of the tea. And while other LD iced teas have added fruit flavors to counteract the bitterness, Grim Leafer only has a touch of bergamot. Some other things to note about this beverage are that it has 30 milligrams of naturally occurring caffeine and is enhanced with B vitamins, offering a potential health benefit to consumers.

As for the name rating, Grim Leafer gets a C. It embodies the metal vibes cleverly but leaves you wondering just what kind of leaves it was brewed with. Assam? Ceylon? Darjeeling? Speak up, Liquid Death.

For many, it will be shocking to see a lime-flavored sparkling water so close to the bottom of this Liquid Death flavor ranking. After all, lime-flavored sparkling waters are generally quite popular. But Severed Lime is simply not as tangy as options from other brands like Spindrift or Waterloo.

Ultimately, Severed Lime falls short because of its crowded ingredient list. It contains carbonated water, agave nectar, citric acid, and natural lime and orange flavors. The added sweetness of the agave nectar deprives this beverage of the sour kick that one may expect from lime-flavored sparkling water. And the addition of some orange flavoring makes it taste more like Diet 7-Up than a Polar Lime. To that point, some may appreciate LD's departure from a classic lime flavor, as lime-inspired flavors have scored surprisingly low on our power rankings of La Croix and White Claw. However, it simply didn't work for us.

As for Severed Lime's name rating, it gets a D at best. It seems like a play on "severed limb," but an eye rhyme such as this isn't easily parsed when read aloud.

It goes without saying, but Liquid Death's plain Mountain Water is at a clear disadvantage in the flavor department. But appraising it for what it is, Mountain Water is surprisingly delicious and a staple of the LD lineup.

True to its name, this is real Appalachian mountain water sourced from Bland County, Virginia, in partnership with 3300 Artesian. LD markets this product as natural artesian water, meaning it comes from a naturally occurring spring with limited need for pumping. The water does not have a strong mineral flavor but rather the crisp freshness of icemelt. This may be because the water undergoes three filtration methods, according to the brand's 2023 water quality report. While this ensures clean and healthy water, it also removes some of the mineral flavors that help define a water's flavor profile. This water is great served cold, as the aluminum can helps maintain the temperature throughout all 19.2 ounces of liquid.

The overall clear taste of the water is great for thirst-quenching and proves an important point to the water industry: Canning water does not negatively affect its taste. There isn't even a hint of aluminum flavor in this product. Yes, canned water has its downsides, but Liquid Death Mountain Water has proven that it is a viable alternative to plastic.

As for the name? This one manages to evoke a monumental vibe with the epic image of a mountain. The name works well enough to earn a C.

Sparkling Water is the second product Liquid Death brought to market, following the success of its Mountain Water. So you probably thought we would copy and paste our review of the Mountain Water above, right? Wrong. Generally speaking, sparkling water exists as a soda alternative and, therefore, has a surprisingly different flavor profile from the brand's still water.

Yes, LD's sparkling water is canned from the same artesian Appalachian mountain water source as Mountain Water, but the carbonation process notably alters the flavor. The carbon dioxide injected into the water forms carbonic acid, which adds a slight sweetness to the flavor profile. And this beverage is much more carbonated than the brand's other sparkling waters. If you don't like the "spiciness" of heavily carbonated water, this may not be the one for you.

As for the name? It is neither inventive nor punny, which was probably necessary to help it differentiate from LD's Mountain Water. But now that LD's products are better established and more easily recognized, this product is due for a rebrand. It gets an F.

Of Liquid Death's two different berry-flavored offerings, Slaughter Berry is the less desirable despite still being a decent drink. This beverage is a mixed berry iced tea with 30 milligrams of naturally occurring caffeine and vitamins B6 and B12 added. The natural berry flavors used in Slaughter Berry are raspberry, blueberry, and blackberry. The taste is just sweet enough to balance out the black tea base but is overall fairly mild. And that's what holds Slaughter Berry back from being one of the best LD flavors.

The berry selection LD chose for this beverage makes for a less exciting flavor profile than the Berry It Alive sparkling water. This mild berry flavor has the positive benefit of melding with the subtle tea flavor, but it lacks the tangy punch you would expect from a mixed berry beverage.

Unfortunately, the name of this drink is low-tier. If there is a pun at work, then it is not readily apparent. And because this drink has used the word "slaughter," LD's melon sparkling water (reviewed below) can't be called Slaughtermelon. It gets a C- at best.

Of all the iced teas that Liquid Death produces, Rest in Peach stands out as the best. It cleverly balances the slightly bitter and astringent qualities of black tea with the ambrosial sweetness of natural flavors derived from peach, pear, and apricot. This makes this beverage both refreshing and stimulating.

One of the nicest qualities of this beverage is its mouthfeel. Peach is already a naturally smooth flavor, and when you factor in the agave nectar, you get one of the most chuggable drinks in the LD lineup. It is a low-calorie beverage with 30 milligrams of caffeine that is enhanced with B vitamins too, so there are plenty of reasons to drink it.

The name of this beverage is also a perfect example of the LD brand. The name is equal parts macabre and gourmet, evoking the feeling of memento mori and the setting of a stonefruit orchard. Its delightful gloominess earns it an A+.

Berry It Alive is a flavored sparkling water from Liquid Death that delivers a unique and delectable blend of fruit essences. In our opinion, this is one of LD's best beverages and it actually outperforms other rival brands' berry sparkling water.

According to the ingredients list, the flavor comes from a blend of passionfruit, raspberry, blackberry, hibiscus, and black cherry. How LD arrived at that combination is a mystery, but the end result is a tart and funky flavor that blends nicely with the brand's characteristic hint of agave nectar. The berry taste has a clear artificial quality to it, which isn't bad but it is worth noting. All this means is that Berry It Alive tastes more like Flintstone vitamins than fresh berry juice.

The name of this beverage is pretty decent and worth at least a C. We might have preferred the self-destructive tone of "Berry Me Alive" since the pronoun "it" often refers to non-living subjects, but LD has to pay up if they want any advice beyond that.

According to the ingredients list, Convicted Melon is made with natural watermelon, paprika, and lime flavors, as well as mainstays like agave nectar and citric acid. That said, the flavor of this beverage seems more reminiscent of cantaloupe. But either way, the melon flavor is strong.

This beverage definitely compares favorably to La Croix Pastèque, whose flavor has been described before as staring at a watermelon. However, for the sake of fair comparison, it should be noted that Convicted Melon has a few grams of sugar while Pastèque is calorie-free. Unique to LD's melon beverage is the addition of paprika, which provides a slight savoriness to contrast with the subtle sweetness of the agave nectar.

One downside of the beverage is that it doesn't necessarily "murder your thirst." The flavor kind of coats the mouth, which leaves an aftertaste that wants to be washed down. Yet this flaw doesn't detract from the fact that Convicted Melon is one of LD's best flavors.

As for the name, it is fairly clever and fits the brand's vibe appropriately. It does carry some implications of bias against convicts, but this is far from a PR disaster. Slaughtermelon might have worked better. The name gets a C.

Of all of LD's flavored sparkling waters, Mango Chainsaw has to be one of the most delicious. It tastes just like the real thing because it is produced using natural mango and orange flavorings. Curiously, mango isn't a popular flavor among rival seltzer brands, but this only helps Mango Chainsaw stand out even more. The only other popular brand that makes a mango product is White Claw, and its alcoholic mango beverage scored comparatively much worse on our White Claw flavor rankings.

The best part about Mango Chainsaw is that the added sweetness of the agave nectar further enhances the funky, citrusy taste of this drink's fruit flavoring. Since sparkling waters typically aspire for a mild fruitiness, the balance is just right. It clearly works much better here than with any of LD's tea-based beverages. The mellow carbonation of this beverage gives it a great soft mouthfeel as well.

As for the name? It's a C. It lacks the concrete foundation of a good pun, but the juxtaposition of a round and soft mango with a fearsome chainsaw evokes the image of ripped fruit flesh and pulp stuck between chainsaw blades.